Reprinted with the permission of the author, Andy Stone; credit to The Aspen Times. The column as originally posted on The Aspen Times' website can be found here.
Doing my part for the planet
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By Andy Stone
August 25, 2005
I don't mind saving the planet, but what the heck
am I going to do with all these TV sets? And the miniature coffee
makers? I'm running out of storage space.
Let me explain.
It all started with those annoying little cards that show up in almost
every hotel room these days (except, of course, for really nice hotels).
You know, they're propped on the bathroom counter and they explain how
the hotel is deeply concerned with the fate of the planet. And because
of that deep, deep concern, the hotel is horribly depressed about the
tragic waste of the millions of gallons of hot water that are used
every day to wash hotel towels.
And so, the card implies, if
you're any kind of halfway decent human being, if you have any concern
whatsoever for the future of the planet, you certainly won't expect the
hotel to wash your towels every day.
Come on! Think of poor Mother Earth!
I admit I find it curious that 1. Every hotel in the world has suddenly
become environmentally conscious, and, 2. The only way they can think
of to save the planet somehow involves saving themselves a lot of money.
Is that really all they could think of?
I mean, right off the top of my head, it occurs to me that a lot of
hotels could help the environment by improving the food they serve at
their lousy restaurants - which would cut way down on customer
flatulence and thus reduce emissions of dangerous greenhouse gases.
But you never see a hotel bragging about that, do you?
And what really gets me is the last line on those little cards, the official "instructions":
If you hang your towel on the rack, that means you don't need it
replaced. If you leave the towel on the floor, that means you want a
fresh towel.
In other words, "If you don't give a damn about
the planet, act like a raging slob and throw your towels on the floor.
That's just what we'd expect from someone like you."
I can imagine where all this is heading:
"Dear Guest: Every year, timber harvesting clears millions of acres of
forests, depriving wildlife of shelter and damaging the air we breathe
by destroying chlorophyll. To help preserve our vital forestland, we no
longer put furniture in our rooms. If you want to join us in our effort
to save the planet, please sleep on the floor. If you selfishly insist
on furniture, please call the front desk and tell the operator, 'I am
an evil despoiler of the planet.' A cot will be sent to your room.
Please don't ask for sheets. (See the card on your bathroom counter for
an explanation of why we no longer provide sheets or towels.)"
Next step: a sign on the door of your favorite restaurant, saying,
"Dear Patron: Every year, a shameful portion of the planet's resources
are devoted to providing scandalous quantities of food to overweight
Americans, while millions starve in other lands. If you want to join us
in our efforts to save the planet, please just slide $100 under the
door and go home."
Do I sound bitter? Sure. But, hey, I want to
save the planet as much as the next guy (or even more than the next guy
- if the next guy is, for example, Dick Cheney).
So I've
decided to help hotels in their campaign to conserve our vital
resources. I've focused my efforts on saving electricity. And nothing
wastes as much electricity in a hotel room as the TV set and that
little mini-coffee maker.
So now, whenever I stay at a hotel
with one of those "save the planet" cards, I do my fair share by taking
the TV set and the coffee maker home with me. Yeah, it's a lot of work,
but I'm willing to do my part.
But now I'm running out of storage space for those TVs and coffee makers.
Not to mention towels. I take those home too - that way the hotel doesn't have to wash them.
No need to thank me. I'm just a concerned citizen, doing my part.
Andy Stone is former editor of The Aspen Times. His e-mail address is [email protected]